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TO-NIGHT I
tread the unsubstantial way |
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That
looms before me, as the thundering night |
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Falls
on the ocean: I must stop, and pray |
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One
little prayer, and then—what bitter fight |
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Flames at the end beyond the darkling goal? |
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These
are my passions that my feet must tread; |
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This
is my sword, the fervour of my soul; |
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This
is my Will, the crown upon my head. |
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For
see! the darkness beckons: I have gone, |
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Before this terrible hour, towards the gloom, |
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Braved the wild dragon, called the tiger on |
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With
whirling cries of pride, sought out the tomb |
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Where
lurking vampires battened, and my steel |
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Has
wrought its splendour through the gates of death |
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My
courage did not falter: now I feel |
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My
heart beat wave-wise, and my throat catch breath |
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As if
I choked; some horror creeps between |
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The
spirit of my will and its desire, |
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Some
just reluctance to the Great Unseen |
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That
coils its nameless terrors, and its dire |
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Fear
round my heart; a devil cold as ice |
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Breathes somewhere, for I feel his shudder take |
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My
veins: some deadlier asp or cockatrice |
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Slimes in my senses: I am half awake, |
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Half
automatic, as I move along |
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Wrapped in a cloud of blackness deep as hell, |
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Hearing afar some half-forgotten song |
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As of
disruption; yet strange glories dwell |
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Above
my head, as if a sword of light, |
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Rayed
of the very Dawn, would strike within |
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The
limitations of this deadly night |
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That
folds me for the sign of death and sin— |
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O
Light! descend! My feet move vaguely on |
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In
this amazing darkness, in the gloom |
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That
I can touch with trembling sense. There shone |
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Once,
in my misty memory, in the womb |
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Of
some unformulated thought, the flame |
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And
smoke of mighty pillars; yet my mind |
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Is
clouded with the horror of this same |
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Path
of the wise men: for my soul is blind |
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Yet:
and the foemen I have never feared |
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I
could not see (if such should cross the way), |
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And
therefore I am strange: my soul is seared |
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With
desolation of the blinding day |
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I
have come out from: yes, that fearful light |
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Was
not the Sun: my life has been the death, |
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This death may be the life: my spirit sight |
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Knows
that at last, at least. My doubtful breath |
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Is
breathing in a nobler air; I know, |
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I
know it in my soul, despite of this, |
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The
clinging darkness of the Long Ago, |
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Cruel
as death, and closer than a kiss, |
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This
horror of great darkness. I am come |
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Into
this darkness to attain the light: |
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To
gain my voice I make myself as dumb: |
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That
I may see I close my outer sight: |
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So, I
am here. My brows are bent in prayer: |
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I
kneel already in the Gates of Dawn; |
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And I
am come, albeit unaware, |
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To
the deep sanctuary: my hope is drawn |
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From
wells profounder than the very sea. |
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Yea,
I am come, where least I guessed it so, |
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Into
the very Presence of the Three |
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That
Are beyond all Gods. And now I know |
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What
spiritual Light is drawing me |
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Up to
its stooping splendour. In my soul |
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I
feel the Spring, the all-devouring Dawn, |
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Rush
with my Rising. There, beyond the goal, |
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The
Veil is rent! |
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Yes:
let the veil be drawn.
[Aleister
Crowley] |